Elise Sereni Patkotak

I was raised an Italian Catholic in the 1950s and 60s.  I spent sixteen years in Catholic school being taught by nuns and the occasional priest or layperson. And while I know that it is considered cool to snicker at that now, I have to say that those were some of the best years of my life.

Sure, I got some strange ideas along the way. For instance, it turns out the pope isn’t the king of the world and the president isn’t the guy who helps him run America. It’s not that I was ever actually taught that as

Last week I had to put on a bra and makeup three times in one week for social events that required both. I may need at least a month to recover.

I had two social events to go to this past weekend. One on Saturday night and one on Sunday afternoon. Thank god. That way I already had my make up on from Saturday and didn’t have to fuss on Sunday.

I look at the dogs and I look at Lance Mackey and then I look at them together and think that PETA should be using them as poster children for how dogs and humans best interact. Both species vibrant, healthy, athletic, involved in a project they do well together…. that the way all pets should get to live their lives, with purpose and love and respect. And even as I write this, Blue and Blondie look at me and explain that their purpose in life is to get me to walk every day for my health and then clean up

One of those e-mails came to my in-box recently that purported to show famous women with and without makeup. The idea, apparently, was to show that they were just like you and me except with better staff to apply the paint. Quite honestly, most of them looked better in their before makeup picture than I do in after makeup pictures.

However, I am not deterred by something like that. So when I had to go to a reception recently, I gamely applied makeup thinking that this time, maybe when I was done I could at least look like a better

Have you noticed on TV how there are suddenly a whole lot more middle class African-American families being portrayed in commercials for just about everything? How come Obama doesn’t get credit for creating those jobs?

According to New York Magazine, there is a company in New York City offering to take care of your pets when you are taken up in the rapture. You only have to pay them $110/year to keep them on retainer. Apparently they are pretty sure they won’t be going. Since I’m pretty sure I don’t have a ticket on that particular ship either, I’d like to offer to anyone in Alaska that for only $100/year, I’ll do the same for you. How great a deal is that?

Happy St. Paddy’s Day. Now go out, drink green beer till you puke

Pets, like little children, really don’t care if you’re sick. They still need to be fed and cleaned and walked… ok, maybe you can get away without walking the kids but still….

And so as I dragged my butt around the past few days feeling like crap, I could only hope that when I die I go to where all my pets went and when I get there, it’s their turn to take care of me.