Paris Hilton has apparently found god in prison. Assuming she would actually be able to recognize him correctly, this is good news for all of us who were worried when He didn’t come home for the past few nights.
Elderly relative?
I recently received an e-mail sent out to all elderly relatives of a certain young cousin of mine. I think you should all know that I prefer to think of myself as in the death throes of advanced middle age. I’ll get elderly later.
I live for the day
I live for the day when women can shave their heads like men do when their hair starts thinning. It will be so much easier than arranging the few hairs on my head into any semblance of a hair do. I wonder if I have a pretty bald head or an ugly one? Unlike Brittany Spears, I’m not taking enough liquor and drugs to want to find out.
In the end….
In the end, we won’t be taken down by professional terroists but by some inane, inept wannabees who accidentally actually blow something up.
Oh for God’s sake!
Am I the only one who thinks that Paris Hilton is being a tad too dramatic? It’s not like she’s been sentenced to a life of hard labor. She’s in a cell by herself, separated from the general population, which should preserve her purity. All she has to do is sit there twenty three hours a day, shower and exercise for one hour, for about three weeks and then go home. From her histrionics, you’d think she’d been sentenced to clean AIDS babies with her tongue. Or maybe being so close to us every day folk is just more disgusting
Kill a pig, make a man
Take an overweight pig raised on a farm to not be afraid of people, put it in an enclosure it can’t escape, give an 11 year old boy a gun, let him kill it and call it hunting. Way to make a man!
Get Opus back on the comics page
The Anchorage Daily News is looking for input into what it should carry on its comics pages. Berkeley Breathed of Bloom County is back producing the strip Opus on Sundays. If you haven’t seen it in its recent incarnation, it’s carried by the Seattle Times and you can go online and check it out. Please write to [email protected] and tell them to get their heads out of their behinds and start publishing Opus instead of that insipid Prince Valiant or even worse BC. It’s the right thing to do.
Vacation
Since I am on sabbatical until July 4 from my column, you’ll only find daily scribblings here on Wednesday until then. In fact, the column will move to Thursday here on my blog when it restarts but will continue to be published on Wedneday in the Anchorage Daily News. I think it’s appropriate that my column will start on Independence Day. I don’t know why.
Dogs in a carwash
The first time I took Mr. T through a carwash, we had just moved to Anchorage. He was sitting on my friend Janis’ lap when the water hit the car. He leapt into my arms. After that, Mr. T didn’t go for car rides very much. They were just never his cup of tea.
But Blue and Blondie love car rides. So I didn’t think twice about bringing them with me on errands that included a car wash. I have to tell you, the last thing in the world you want is to be in a car wash with the
It’s a bright new world
My cataracts are out. My new glasses are on. The world is an amazing place once again. I hadn’t realized how much vision I had lost since it happened so gradually. But suddenly I’m looking at a world of bright colors and sharp edges and focus…I know I’ll eventually get over this and it will just be another humdrum day again, but right now I am absolutely fascinated and amazed at all I’d lost and have suddenly regained.
And yes, I know I could have had my eyes made 20/20 so I wouldn’t need glasses. But reading it my life