Am I the only one who thinks that Paris Hilton is being a tad too dramatic? It’s not like she’s been sentenced to a life of hard labor. She’s in a cell by herself, separated from the general population, which should preserve her purity. All she has to do is sit there twenty three hours a day, shower and exercise for one hour, for about three weeks and then go home. From her histrionics, you’d think she’d been sentenced to clean AIDS babies with her tongue. Or maybe being so close to us every day folk is just more disgusting
Kill a pig, make a man
Take an overweight pig raised on a farm to not be afraid of people, put it in an enclosure it can’t escape, give an 11 year old boy a gun, let him kill it and call it hunting. Way to make a man!
Get Opus back on the comics page
The Anchorage Daily News is looking for input into what it should carry on its comics pages. Berkeley Breathed of Bloom County is back producing the strip Opus on Sundays. If you haven’t seen it in its recent incarnation, it’s carried by the Seattle Times and you can go online and check it out. Please write to [email protected] and tell them to get their heads out of their behinds and start publishing Opus instead of that insipid Prince Valiant or even worse BC. It’s the right thing to do.
Vacation
Since I am on sabbatical until July 4 from my column, you’ll only find daily scribblings here on Wednesday until then. In fact, the column will move to Thursday here on my blog when it restarts but will continue to be published on Wedneday in the Anchorage Daily News. I think it’s appropriate that my column will start on Independence Day. I don’t know why.
Dogs in a carwash
The first time I took Mr. T through a carwash, we had just moved to Anchorage. He was sitting on my friend Janis’ lap when the water hit the car. He leapt into my arms. After that, Mr. T didn’t go for car rides very much. They were just never his cup of tea.
But Blue and Blondie love car rides. So I didn’t think twice about bringing them with me on errands that included a car wash. I have to tell you, the last thing in the world you want is to be in a car wash with the
It’s a bright new world
My cataracts are out. My new glasses are on. The world is an amazing place once again. I hadn’t realized how much vision I had lost since it happened so gradually. But suddenly I’m looking at a world of bright colors and sharp edges and focus…I know I’ll eventually get over this and it will just be another humdrum day again, but right now I am absolutely fascinated and amazed at all I’d lost and have suddenly regained.
And yes, I know I could have had my eyes made 20/20 so I wouldn’t need glasses. But reading it my life
The woman is obviously certifiable
A sixty year old woman just gave birth to twins…voluntarily, not as part of some sick and twisted experiment. And then she stated that this event will redefine aging. I can only say, DEAR GOD, HAVE WE ALL LOST OUR MINDS! It’s bad enough that I can’t be my grandmother’s sixty when I feel I have done to much to earn that right. I can’t wear comfortable orthopedic black tied shoes or a shapeless black dress with an apron or spend a lot of time sitting in my chair regaling young people with tales of life in the dark ages
Thanks to all you who keep sending my stuff around
I just want to thank all you people up north who keep reading my stuff and sending it around. I wouldn’t have as many readers as I do without you. Keep up the good work. Remember, as that wise old sage whose name I can’t remember once said, it doesn’t matter what they say about you so long as they spell your name right.
A world without glasses
I’ve decided that one of the scariest things in life is walking around my neighborhood in the spring without my glasses. Now you would think that walking around my old Brooklyn neighborhood would win the prize in this category. But until you’ve accidentally run into a moose and her calf, you really don’t know what heart stopping fear is. Of course, if my dogs would bark half as much at the moose as they do at my neighbors, I’d have some early warning. But no, they just lift their heads a bit and sniff the air and I’m supposed to
From bottom to top
Last year this time, Alaska had the most unpopular governor in the country. This year we have the most popular. Since her views are actually to the right of the former governor on many issues and would cause great heartburn among her many admirers if she actually pushed those views, this popularity can only be viewed as a case of brilliant PR. This woman understands the media and uses it judiciously. Whoever her advisers are in this area, you all deserve a raise.