Author: Elise Patkotak

So Orange Peel admits he made the call, releases a transcript that corroborates the whistle blower and now numerous respected diplomats have confirmed it. So what the hell? Why are we still holding hearings in which witness after witness admits that Orange Peel was strong arming Ukraine’s president? Why is not the simple fact of racketeering and bullying threats that put our allies in danger enough to declare that Orange Peel is not fit to be president?

Funny, in a sick kinda way. We always knew he wasn’t capable. He can’t read. He can’t pay bills. He can’t reason. And, Continue reading →

Every once in awhile I get a craving for something called Scrapple – not Scrabble the word game but scrapple the product made of all the disgusting leftovers after an animal has been butchered. Disgusting though the ingredients might be, the result is a wonderful breakfast meat that just needs the right cook to know how to crisp it on the outside and keep it soft on the inside – and that cook, thanks to my dad, is me.

So I ordered some. And FedEx delivered it. They delivered it in a package so well wrapped that it was impossible Continue reading →

Today, my friend Sandra Stuermer became the first woman to be appointed as the Director of Administration and Finance for the North Slope Borough. Perhaps even more importantly, she is the first Alaska Native woman to hold this position.

Sandra earned her degree (in business administration or something like that – it had lots to do with business and math) from UAA. As a working mother, she used the proximity of the university to pursue her degree, taking what courses she could each semester until she achieved that four year degree. Without UAA, she would not bring the credibility to Continue reading →

I needed a new bathrobe. The one I was using was twenty years old and I had bought it second hand so there’s a good chance it was a lot older. But I loved it – right up until it simply started falling apart piece by piece in the wash.

So I did what all good Americans do who go shopping nowadays. I went to Amazon and typed in bathrobes. Quite a variety showed up. Some as expensive as $80 and some as cheap as $34. My nona’s cheap genes jump in when I least expect them to. I bought Continue reading →

So there I am, outside on a warm summer evening, enjoying the sunshine with my two dogs by my side. Well, not quite by my side. Rizley was a bit freaked by the idea of outside and needed to sit in my lap while shaking and waiting for the onset of Doomsday. Snowy peed on the ferns and then curled up under one of the rocking chairs to see who would rock on his tail first.

At some point, my arms hurt too much to hold Rizley anymore so I put him down and told him to go be a Continue reading →

I bought a bathrobe online. I ordered a 2x because I’m not a good shopper and somewhere in my head, I think I still am a 2x. The bathrobe is too big, the zipper doesn’t work well and it’s a thin material that is bound to keep me cold on long Alaskan nights.

I should have returned it. But I didn’t. Proving once again that I shouldn’t shop online because returning stuff is just too hard for me. But then again, I’m a lousy shopper in stores too so it may not be the online part that’s the problem.

There Continue reading →