Is there anyone left in this world who has been online for more than three minutes who still answers those e-mails from people who want to send you money? I mean seriously, how stupid do you have to be to answer them at this point?
Dear lord save us from idiots
There was a small blurb in the paper recently about a store in Fairbanks pulling novelty cigarette lighters from their shelves after reports that children playing with them have accidentally set fires and, in three cases in the country, died as a result. And I have to ask myself who, sitting in their office high on the fumes from the copier ink, had the bright idea to manufacture lighters shaped as children’s toys. And then who was the even bigger brain who gave the green light to taking the idea from concept to reality? Because honestly, did no one in
Why?
Why do I have to listen to endless droning about Hillary’s pantsuits and their colors and cut but nothing about Barack’s sartorial style?
Parenting by guilt and fear…not an altogether bad thing
I’m guessing that when I was in high school there were educational institutions where senior pranks occurred. After all, the tradition had to start somewhere. But I can tell you for sure where it stopped. It stopped at the front door of Holy Spirit High School. It was stopped there by the mere presence of the sisters and priests who ran the school. It was stopped there by the mere thought of parental reaction to anything that would damage the school. It was stopped there, ultimately, by sheer fear.
My parents had no problem using fear as a tool in
Another senior moment
I went out and did some grocery shopping. Came back, unpacked the car, had lunch, spoke with a friend. Then decided it was time to go get the clothes from the dryer. But the clothes weren’t in the dryer. I must have emptied them already and forgotten. So I went back upstairs. Only later, when I went to grab my freshly washed shirt, it wasn’t on the hanger. So I went back downstairs and stood there stupidly staring into the laundry room wondering where it went. Then, on a silly impulse, I opened the washer. And there were all my
One Wing
One Wing died this weekend. He was the heart and soul of Bird TLC, the wild bird rehab center here in Anchorage. He came here from the Exxon Valdez oil spill with a grim diagnosis. He defied the odds and lived with us for almost twenty years. He was the kind of bald eagle that had all the dignity we would want to associate with out national bird, and quite a bit of the goofyness that we cannot escape as part of our national character. In my head, he is now soaring again, both wings in place as they should
Why do we do these things
Went down the hallway to the garage. Pulled on the doorknob and it fell off in my hand. I stood there staring at it for a minute, then pushed it back it, twisted it a little, and then pulled it again. Surprise. It came out in my hand again. I did that at least four times before I was convinced that it wasn’t going to magically reattach. Why do we do these things when we already know the outcome? Oh wait. Oh god. Please don’t tell me I’m the only one who does….
Black or white
Black or white, it doesn’t matter. Ministers who preach hate in the name of Jesus have clearly never met him.
It will never get old
I’m sitting here working on my column when a large brown bulk passes my office window. It’s the neighborhood moose come to pee and poop on my lawn and then eat the neighbor’s tree. I stop writing and run to the front to watch the moose nibble and wander in the circle until she is finally out of sight. I will never tire of this. It just makes the whole day a little brighter.
I could not be more proud
Alaska finally makes history. Thanks to our lone congressman, Don Young, the US Senate has voted to ask the Justice Department to open a criminal investigation into one of his myriad earmarks. This is the first time in US history that the Senate has voted to have a criminal investigation of a House member. Alaska and its congressman are now officially a footnote in US history. I could not be more proud.