Elise Sereni Patkotak

I received a comment about my article on Native villages last week from a lady named Jody who seemed to think that Alaska Natives, especially on the North Slope, are receiving more money than Bill Gates.  So let’s clear up a few things once and for all.

1. The North Slope is unique in that it encompasses Prudhoe Bay which brings in more tax revenues than other Native regions in the state receive.

2. The dividends received by North Slope Inupiaq come from their corporations. They are shareholders in for-profit corporations that make money and so they get dividends. This

Am I the only one who thinks it odd that our congress approves bailing out a few multi biilionaire bankers with my tax dollars and doesn’t worry about what it does to the national debt but they then raise objections to the same amount of money being used to provide millions of Americans with health care because of the cost? I tell you what, guys. Take the money back from the bankers who aren’t doing what they promised with it anyway and give it to us common folks. We all have enough illnesses to spend that money back into the

Between Bill O’Reilly and Rush Limbaugh, it’s hard to tell who has the smaller wee wee. But they both must have pretty tiny ones considering the continuously escalating screams of hate they are emitting over the ascendency of a decent, honorable man to the White House…or are they so intimidated by that old tale about the African-American male’s penis size that all they can do is emit high pitched squeals? Suddenly I’m reminded of a scene from Deliverance….and in my re-imagining, it’s much more fun than it was in the movie.

So Sarah wore a corsage to her State of the State address last week. Did she think she was going to a prom?  Who the hell does that? She’s a governor, not a debutante. Would a man wear flowers to a formal address to the governing body of his municipality? I think not. Someone please tell this woman she is the governor, not a beauty pageant contestant. Dump the corsage and figure out how to fund children’s health care…please!

You know those e-mails you get with the “remember when” lists? How about this for a remember when….remember when you used to go to sleep and slept through the night without waking up because you were lying on your stiff shoulder or had to go pee or just suddenly your eyes are open and you don’t know why but can’t get back to sleep for love nor money? I vaguely do. Honestly, I’d trade a complete night’s sleep for any number of those dreams that used to freak me out when I was younger like the one where you’re trying

It’s my mother’s side of the family that is really strange. The men on that side, to be absolutely precise. Why? Well, on the day Obama was sworn in as president, my cousin Joe (god bless him and keep him well forever or else there will be nowhere for me to go to get my needed doses of laughter) was bewildered as to why Obama was going to parties after the swearing in ceremony as opposed to going straight to the office and getting started on cleaning up the mess. And the thing is, Joe was serious. Because the Zeccardi

Because I don’t award these prizes easily, I had to spend almost a week wracking my brain to see if I could remember an uglier day than last Friday here in Anchorage. I can’t. It was raining, kinda slushy snowing, melting, icy, gray, windy, mud everywhere, cars driving through lakes, wind blowing the rain sideways into you, walking through puddles over your ankles that hid ice underneath….it just could not be uglier than that day. So I officially nominate it for the ugliest day this decade in Anchorage. Any other day that wants to compete is going to have to

President Obama….OH YES! Am I the only one who cried through most of the inauguration…mostly just out of sheer pride that our nation once again transferred power peacefully but also because Perlman and Yo Yo Ma playing together is more beautiful than anything that you will ever hear in your life again.