Elise Sereni Patkotak

So there I was, all dressed up – OK, by my standards I was all dressed up, I had put a bra on and everything – and ready to go out to dinner with a friend that I see about once a year. Ten minutes before he arrived, but well after I’d gotten dressed, my dog threw up in HUGE QUANTITIES twice in my office.  There is no way to eliminate that odor in ten minutes. There is no way to clean up dog barf one minute and look forward to sushi the next.  God just did not mean for

..the media elite and where can I find them? I keep hearing references to them but I can’t figure out if that is everyone in the media…in which case I think we need to rethink any category that would include the words Geraldo Rivera and elite…or just certain members of the media. I mean, am I one? If so, I want a raise for what I do. Or do you just have to work for certain organizations? Or is it just what conservatives say when news media don’t agree with them? In that case, is the conservative press the media….rubes?

Why does my need to consume carbohydrates go up in direct proportion to the temperature going down?

Blair House is where every president elect has stayed with his family while waiting for his inauguration for at least the past century. When the Obama’s inquired about moving there, the Current Occupier and his minions of evil said that it was already booked for the ex prime minister of Australia or some equally important person. So the Obama’s, being obviously the much more classy act, quietly checked into a hotel for the two weeks leading up to the swearing in.  How classless and crass can the Current Occupier get? He consistently hits depths that amaze me. How hard would

I finally saw the pictures of Obama from Hawaii. Oh my god! Our new president has six pack abs.  Now I may have to dislike him. No one should be allowed to be that old with that many responsibilities, coming off the frantic year he’s had and still look that good with his shirt off. It’s just not natural.

Am I the only one who feels as though the days are dragging by slower and slower? Each day I hold my breath and pray that the Current Occupier and his minions don’t do anything more to wreck our country or world in the short time they have left. And each day I have to quell the impulse to run to Washington DC and stand in front of the White House yelling, “Get out! Get out! Get out right now!”

….never actually admitting you’re cold. No matter how frigid it gets, the true Alaskan sucks it up, puts on twelve layers of clothes, and pretends they still enjoy walking the dogs. Of course, my dogs have reached the point where they aren’t sure at all that they want to take a walk. And that’s probably a significant factor when deciding whether to go or not.

I can understand why someone as antisocial as I am may find Facebook the perfect page to interact with people without ever actually having to encounter people, but I’m going to be very depressed if this means the rest of the world is as antisocial as I am.  Then what’s the point?

First Monday morning of the year and I woke up late. Ran to let the dogs out, shower, feed the animals and get down to my computer in time to answer the mail before I ran out to do all the errands that had been neglected over the holidays while still making it to Curves, my chiropractic appointment and the dogs’ walk.  Forgot to pick up the paper. Ran to the front door to grab it. Wondered why it’s so thick when they’ve just announced it’s going down in size again. Pull off the orange plastic sleeve and realize it’s